The Weight of Open Loops
One of the things I love about coaching is that it makes me reflective about my own life and how I am actually living it.
Recently, my client Ruth shared something that I think many of us carry quietly. She had been avoiding a conversation with her family about her health, and the weight of that avoidance was affecting her more than the situation itself.
“They mean well. I know they worry because they want the best for me. But sometimes talking about it leaves me feeling more stressed than supported.”
As we talked, I explained that what she was experiencing was not unusual. One of the things I often help clients identify is the hidden sources of stress in their lives.
Sometimes it is a health diagnosis. Sometimes it is finances, relationships, work, or worrying about the future. Often, the greatest stress is not the situation itself. It is the unfinished business surrounding it.
I call these open loops.
What Are Open Loops?
An open loop is anything unfinished that continues to occupy mental and emotional space.
It may be a conversation you have been avoiding, a decision you have postponed, a boundary that needs to be communicated, or a dream you have been talking about for years but have not yet acted upon.
The thing is, the energy held by open loops does not disappear simply because we stop thinking about them.
Our conscious mind may move on to other things, but our subconscious mind keeps track. In psychology, researchers refer to this as the Zeigarnik Effect, the tendency for unresolved situations to remain active in our minds.
Have you ever noticed that the conversation you do not want to have is often the one you think about while lying awake at night? Or that the decision you have been avoiding somehow finds its way back into your thoughts when you are trying to relax?
That is the nature of an open loop.
You Are the Highest Authority in Your Own Life
For Ruth, the open loop was a conversation. Not a discussion about every detail of her diagnosis, every fear, or every treatment decision. Simply a conversation that would allow her to communicate what she wanted to share and where she wanted to establish boundaries.
I reminded her that she is the highest authority in her life. Just because someone loves you does not mean they are entitled to every detail of your journey. You get to decide what supports your peace, what information you share, and where your boundaries belong.
But avoiding the conversation entirely was keeping the loop open. The conversation was already happening inside her mind. Her nervous system was already responding to it. She was carrying the full weight of it, whether she had the conversation or not.
What My Own Journey Taught Me
As I reflected on my conversation with Ruth, I found myself remembering my own cancer journey.
When I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I was absolutely focused on healing.
I believed I would get through treatment, and I did everything I could to support that outcome. At the same time, a realization quietly changed the way I looked at life.
While I fully intended to beat cancer, the truth is that none of us knows how much time we have. Cancer simply brought that reality into sharper focus for me.
I found myself asking different questions.
If tomorrow were not guaranteed, what would I want resolved?
Who would I want to thank?
Is there anything I would regret leaving unsaid?
Which relationships deserved more of my attention?
What was I carrying that no longer needed to be carried?
That reflection led me to begin closing loops in my own life.
One of the first things I did was become more intentional about expressing appreciation to people who had impacted me.
I reached out to individuals who had made a difference in my life because I did not want gratitude to remain unspoken.
I looked at relationships that had become strained or distant over the years and asked myself whether healing was possible. In some cases, it was. In other cases, the relationship did not necessarily change, but I changed. Having the conversation, speaking my truth, and expressing my feelings allowed me to let go of the burden of wondering what might have happened if I had said something.
Another area that needed attention was the practical side of life. I began organizing important papers, reviewing documents, and addressing things that had been sitting on my someday list for years.
What surprised me most was that none of this felt heavy.
In fact, it felt freeing.
Each completed conversation, each resolved issue, and each task I crossed off the list seemed to return a little more energy to me. I felt lighter. More present. More appreciative of the life I was living in the moment.
What began as an exercise in creating resolution became an exercise in living more fully.
What Happens When You Start Closing Loops
That is something I continue to observe in my clients today.
When people begin addressing what matters, they stop carrying so much mental and emotional weight. They are no longer spending energy replaying conversations in their minds, avoiding decisions, or postponing things that have been asking for their attention for months or years.
Instead, that energy becomes available for something else. It becomes available for healing. More energy becomes available for relationships. Creativity has room to emerge again. And life feels available in a new way.
I hear this from clients regularly. Jake, who was navigating his own cancer journey, shared this with us after we worked together:
“I noticed reduced anxiety, better resilience, and a renewed sense of hope.”
That is what becomes possible when the weight of what is unresolved is finally addressed.
Your Invitation for the Second Half of This Year
As we move into the second half of the year, I want to invite you to pause and ask yourself what still wants your attention.
Perhaps it is a conversation you have been avoiding because you do not know how the other person will respond. Perhaps it is a financial situation you have been meaning to address, a doctor’s appointment you have been postponing, a closet that has become a holding place for things you no longer need, or a dream that has been patiently waiting for you to say yes.
Some things can be completed quickly. Others may take weeks or months. The goal is not to finish everything at once. The goal is simply to begin moving forward rather than continue carrying it.
As you look forward to the remainder of this year, ask yourself:
What would I love to complete before the end of the year?
Not because you should. Not because someone else expects it from you. But completing it would bring a greater sense of peace, freedom, and alignment to your life.
There is a deep sense of satisfaction that comes from bringing completion to what matters. It is not about perfection. It is about living with fewer regrets, more intention, and a greater appreciation for the life you have right now.
Ready to Begin?
If something in this letter spoke to you, trust that.
Throughout June, my Root and Rise program is available at a special discount investment. Root and Rise is a year-long, weekly group journey where we do not just close the open loops. We bring awareness to the daily habits, routines, and beliefs that stand between you and the person you are meant to become. You will discover what is holding you back and learn to shift it, one intentional decision at one time.
Like my client Jennifer shared recently:
“It feels like I am rowing my life with direction, instead of wasting energy trying to figure things out.”
Closing my own loops was one of the most profound shifts of my coaching journey. It changed how I continue to show up for my life, my relationships, and my health. That experience is woven into everything we do inside Root and Rise.
Together we create the clarity, tools, and support you need to grow, expand, and live a freer, more fulfilling life.
Simply click here to book a Clarity Call and explore what becomes possible when you stop carrying what no longer serves you.
