Many people know exactly what they want. But they never fully decide. They spend years living in maybe.
Maybe I’ll start the business.
Perhaps I’ll leave the relationship.
Or maybe I’ll finally trust myself.
The challenge with maybe is that it divides our energy. One part of us is moving toward what we desire while another part is preparing for why it might not work. We remain caught between possibility and fear, and that internal conflict can be exhausting.
I learned this lesson through one of the most important decisions of my life.
The Decision That Changed My Life
After my divorce, I spent more than ten years single. Like many people who have experienced heartbreak, I had no intention of getting married again. I wasn’t looking for a husband. What I wanted was a companion. I wanted someone to share life with. Someone to talk with about life’s successes and challenges. Someone to travel with, laugh with, dream with, and grow with. I wanted a best friend, a confidant, and an encourager.
So I got very clear about the qualities I wanted in a partner.
And then I met him.
From the very beginning, there was something special about our connection. It felt familiar, as if we had known each other forever. We enjoyed each other’s company, shared many of the same values, and built a beautiful relationship together.
We dated for more than a year.
Then one day, he proposed.
My immediate answer was no.
Not because I didn’t love him.
Not because I couldn’t see a future with him.
I was afraid.
I liked our relationship exactly as it was. We each had our own home. We had independence. There was space for both of us to maintain our own lives. In my mind, getting married felt like adding complexity to something that was already working.
What I didn’t realize at the time was that I wasn’t protecting our relationship. I was protecting an old story.
The story that marriage was risky.
The belief that living separately was safer.
And the assumption that if I didn’t fully commit, I couldn’t get hurt.
But he stood firm.
With love and honesty, he explained that he was looking for a life partner. Someone to share a home with, build memories with, create traditions with, navigate challenges with, grow older with, and experience life alongside.
He loved me deeply, but he was clear about what he wanted to create.
And if that wasn’t what I wanted, he was willing to move on.
I remember closing my eyes and imagining my life without him.
I tried to picture future holidays.
Future trips.
The celebrations we would share.
Even the challenges we would face together.
And for the first time, I couldn’t imagine a future that didn’t include him.
In that moment, I realized something important.
The Moment Everything Became Clear
The decision wasn’t about marriage.
The decision was about whether I was willing to let go of fear and fully commit to love.
I said yes.
But more importantly, I made another decision that day.
I decided this marriage was going to succeed.
When challenges arose, I would lean in instead of pulling away.
I would not allow the fears from my first marriage to dictate the future of this one.
Most importantly, I committed to actively participating in creating a thriving relationship.
That decision changed everything.
Not because life suddenly became perfect.
Not because we never faced challenges.
But because my energy changed.
Instead of looking for reasons it might fail, I began looking for ways to help it succeed.
And this is where science becomes fascinating.
In our brain, we have a network called the Reticular Activating System, or RAS. One of its jobs is to filter information and determine what deserves our attention.
Every second, our brains are exposed to more information than we could ever consciously process. The RAS acts like a filter, bringing into our awareness the things we focus on and find meaningful.
It’s like deciding to buy a red car and suddenly seeing red cars everywhere. They were always there. Your brain simply decided they were important.
What Happens in the Brain When We Decide
When we make a meaningful decision, we give our brain a new assignment:
“This matters.”
“Pay attention to this.”
“Look for opportunities here.”
And once we do, our brain begins noticing people, resources, ideas, and possibilities that align with what we have decided to create.
This is why people often say, “Once I decided, everything started showing up.”
Most Decisions Aren’t About What They Seem
Looking back, I’ve realized that most meaningful decisions aren’t really about the thing itself.
The decision to start a business is often about trusting yourself.
Prioritizing your health is often about believing you are worth caring for.
Leaving a relationship is often about choosing self-respect over familiarity.
Choosing to heal is often about participating in your future instead of surrendering to your circumstances.
In my case, the decision wasn’t about marriage. It was about letting go of fear and committing to love.
But there is one more thing I have learned.
Many people make a decision when they are inspired. The challenge comes a few weeks later when the excitement wears off and the work begins.
That’s when we have to reconnect to why we made the decision in the first place.
Because the opposite of maybe is not certainty.
Life rarely gives us certainty.
The opposite of maybe is commitment.
A commitment to continue.
A willingness to grow.
And a decision to participate in creating what we desire.
The hidden cost of maybe is not that it delays the result.
The hidden cost of maybe is that it keeps us from experiencing the power that is available when our thoughts, attention, actions, and energy are all moving in the same direction.
So let me ask you:
Where in your life have you been living in maybe?
What have you already known for months, perhaps years, but have not fully decided?
Maybe it’s your health.
Perhaps it’s a relationship.
For some, it’s a business.
Or maybe it’s finally making yourself a priority.
Whatever it is, notice the energy you have spent standing on the fence.
Pay attention to the conversations you’ve had with yourself.
Consider the dreams you’ve postponed.
Reflect on the life you’ve imagined but haven’t fully committed to creating.
What Have You Already Decided?
The truth is that decisions are rarely about knowing exactly how things will unfold.
They are about deciding who you are going to be before the evidence appears.
They are about choosing what matters enough that you are willing to commit to it, even when the path is not yet clear.
Will you continue waiting?
Or will you participate in creating the life you say you want?
If you’ve been thinking about working with me, this is your invitation to explore what is possible.
Whether through Root & Rise or my Cancer Thriver coaching program, my role is not to tell you what decisions to make. My role is to help you reconnect with yourself, regulate the noise of fear and overwhelm, and move forward with greater clarity, confidence, and intention.
If you’re curious about what that might look like, let’s have a conversation.
Not a sales call.
A genuine conversation about where you are, what you want to create, and whether I might be the right person to support you on that journey.
