Comparing Yourself to Others

Something is wrong with me

What is wrong with me? I am 40 years old, unmarried, without a relationship, have not found my purpose or passion.

This is what I heard from a person recently. My question for them was, “why would you say there is anything wrong with you?” They said, “I see my friends have their lives together, with a family and a career”.

Studies show that at least 10% of our thoughts are about social comparison. We are measuring our self-worth based on how we compare to others.

Comparison can help motivate us to become better or make us feel that we don’t measure up to other people. This leads to self-esteem and self-image issues that do not serve us.

Comparison steals your joy

Motivational speaker and coach Lisa Nichols says, “Comparison is the thief of all your joy.”
When we compare ourselves to others with achievements that we want, it makes us feel small. It makes us focus on lack, what we don’t have.

We can feel, we are not good enough, something is missing in us, or other people are better off having it better.

There is more of a tendency to compare ourselves to others than ever before because of social media. Your friends post about their beautiful life, vacations, celebrations, meals, excursions, and promotions. It is a type of social currency that shows them living a great life.

Comparing ourselves to others can make us feel small or motivate us to do better.

Connect with others instead of Compare

It’s important to step back and realize that it is up to you how you perceive the content. Do you want to use it as a measuring stick to your own life or as a way to connect with them with joy and encouragement?

You can encourage them by praising their triumphs and then get motivated about what you want to go after. If it is possible for them, it is also possible for you.

Comparing leads to untrue assumptions

A family member recently commented that it is easy for me to speak in public and communicate. “I can’t do that; I am not like you’, she said.

Based on what I am doing now, she assumed that it is easy for me to talk to people and in public. It was not always like that.

The first time I had to speak in public, I froze, and the room was silent for more than two minutes. It was during my speech class in college, and we had a timed 3-minute speech where I forgot the middle.

I also used to get tongue-tied, and feeling lost for words was one of my paradigms. When I knew that public speaking was something I wanted to do, I knew I had to work at it. I began to say an affirmation to repattern the thought that I was inept at speaking.

And there began the process of practicing. In my old Facebook lives, or workshop videos, you can see the nerves, the stumbling over words, and it was not pretty. But I knew I would not improve if I did not practice.

I continue to try with this, and at times still feel I can do better – in comparison to some of my peers.

Connect instead of Compare

If you have a dream that appears impossible or a goal, you think you cannot do it. If your desire is strong enough to do it, you can do it. Connect to your why, instead of compare.

There is only one difference between you and the person you are comparing yourself to. They are doing something you want to by walking a path you have yet to walk.

Whatever belief you have about what is possible, you can repattern it. You can stop the pattern of that thought by creating a different opinion about yourself.

A belief is a thought you keep thinking over time. You can transform the belief by making yourself think different thoughts. Affirmations help override those beliefs and clear the path that stands in the way.

I’d love to help you come up with affirmations and ideas that will help you dissolve beliefs that are stopping you from moving forward on your goals and dreams.