(Hint: It Starts with You.)
Love and Expectations
Roses are being arranged, chocolates fill store shelves, and somewhere, someone wonders why love seems to find everyone else but them. Valentine’s Day often brings a weight of expectations, leaving many questioning their relationship status. But what if love isn’t about finding the right person, but becoming the right person?
We Attract Who We Are
One thing I’ve learned is this: we attract who we are. Unless we evolve intentionally, we’ll continue experiencing the same relationship patterns.
I used to hear, “We marry our fathers.” That seemed true when I married my children’s father. He fit my family perfectly, and for years, I didn’t realize I had fallen into the same dynamic I had witnessed growing up. He treated me like my mother had been treated—subordinate. Without realizing it, I had accepted that dynamic because it was all I had known.
A Commitment to Change
After my divorce, I wasn’t in a hurry to date. I had two kids to raise and knew that if I didn’t change, I’d attract the same kind of partner. So, I spent nine years working on myself, growing into the person I truly wanted to be.
Yet, when I started dating again, I was still attracting the same type of man. That was after years of “working on myself.” Change doesn’t happen with time—it happens with intention. I had to go deeper, shifting old beliefs and redefining my understanding of love and partnership.
I’m happy to say I’m now married to the love of my life. He is who I had imagined because I evolved and changed. I also work to nurture our relationship into what I want to receive.
How to Attract the Love You Desire
Want a different kind of love? Become a different version of yourself. Ask yourself: What qualities do I want in a partner? Then ask: Do I embody those qualities myself?
- If you want kindness, are you kind?
- If you seek great communication, do you express yourself clearly?
- If you desire emotional availability, are you open and vulnerable?
Your relationship is a reflection of who you are.
Shift Your Perspective & See the Good
According to research from the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley, the way we see our partners matters. Instead of dwelling on shortcomings, focus on what made you connect with them in the first place.
Take time to appreciate what you value in your partner—whether it’s their kindness, humor, patience, or support. The more you focus on the good, the more love and appreciation will grow between you. Praise what you love instead of complaining about what you lack. Love grows where appreciation flows.
Instead of discussing frustrations with others, shift your focus to your partner’s strengths. This small act can create a ripple effect, fostering deeper connection and understanding. When you change the way you see your partner, your relationship changes too.
Your Love Story Starts Now
This Valentine’s Day, give yourself the ultimate gift: permission to evolve. Whether you’re single, dating, or committed, your next chapter in love starts with you. Choose to cultivate the qualities you seek in your partner, and over time, transformation will occur.
Love isn’t something that happens to us, it’s something we create. Your love story? It’s still being written.
Ready for a transformation? Start on your own or supercharge your growth with my 12-week program. If you’d like to learn more about it, schedule a call. By summer, you could be experiencing a completely different relationship—with yourself, your partner, or the love you’re about to meet.
