Breaking The Habits That Are Holding You Back

Learning from your past

As the year’s final month commences, we often reflect on what we accomplished and what is still to be done. We reflect on the habits that got in the way of reaching our goals.

It may be that at the beginning of the year, you had a New Year’s resolution that went by the waist side within weeks. Your good intentions for change did not matter; your ingrained habits made it impossible to change.

There is no shame in this; not achieving what we intended is the feedback we can use to learn and discover more about ourselves. Why did we not reach our desired goal? Did we give up too quickly? Did our embedded behaviors get in the way? Was it an achievable goal in the first place?

The Source of Your Results

We learn the most about ourselves when we take the time to reflect on our past actions. Our actions become our habits, according to Chinese Philosopher Lao Tzu. He wrote, “Watch your thoughts; they become your words; watch your words, they become your actions; watch your actions, they become your habits; watch your habits, they become your character; watch your character, it becomes your destiny.”

By examining the actions holding us back from success in the past, we trace our patterns of feeling and thinking that formed our behavior. We can see that everything starts with our thinking. When we change our thinking, we can change our results.

So, what was it about the thinking that was holding you back? It may be that you don’t believe you can do it. You want the goal, but a part of you thinks it will be too hard, or you don’t deserve the success, or you are afraid of who you will become when you reach the goal. The thought can have been passed down from previous generations.

Your Paradigm may be Deeply Ingrained

For instance, attaining your goal can be difficult if your parents or grandparents have a particular belief. I was raised in a religious family who believed that being poor was a virtue and that seeking wealth was not godly. I understood how my paradigm, which are my beliefs, ideas, values, and habits have stood in the way of my earning power when I observed my actions. Three times in my business career, I earned a 6-figure salary, and three times, I opted to pursue a different earning avenue that dropped my earnings to 5-figures. While making those career decisions, I was unaware of how my money beliefs were affecting my actions.

“Stand guard at the portal of your mind,” said Ralph Waldo Emmerson, which is what I must do regarding my thinking about money. I had years of training in this belief, so changing it requires repeated, consistent effort, standing guard, and questioning my thoughts about what I think and feel when it comes to money.

More Than Commitment and a Plan

So, what you want to accomplish requires more than a commitment and a plan. You may commit to losing that 15 lbs., staying within a budget, getting organized, saving money, changing careers, following your dreams, or living life to the fullest. In addition to commitment there are other tools that are essential.

You need three fundamental tools to break the habits that are holding you back. They are mindset, the structure of support, and your Will to do it.

Mindset

Your mindset has to be one of success. Do you see yourself at the finish line of the result? Do you believe it can be done? Can you see it, feel it, taste it and imagine the feeling of reaching your summit?

Whether the answer to the questions is yes, or no, the good news is that you can develop the mindset. You can rewrite the patterns of thought that have held you back from success. You can affirm your success and rewire your subconscious mind. It does take repeated, consistent effort to break those habits.

Imagination is Key

It all starts with ‘what would you love?”. Imagine it like a movie in your head, as the wish is fulfilled. Robert Collier, an early researcher in the self-development movement, said, “Every successful person of the world used their imagination. They thought ahead, created a mental picture in all its details of what they wanted to create, filling in here, adding a little there, altering a bit, but steadily building.” This is the first step to take if you want to achieve what you have in mind. Without having a destination (your vision), how will you measure your journey and know when you’ve reached your goal?

If your goal is to be 15 lbs. lighter, imagine yourself in that state of health. When you reach your destination, will you be able to move easier, wear that special dress, or physically feel healthier? The vision of the result also fuels your desire to keep going.

Structure of Support

The second requirement to successfully reach your goal is a structure of support. The type of structure is determined by what you are trying to accomplish and is dependent on your values system. Do you require an accountability partner, post-it note reminders, affirmations, a life coach, a calendar that keeps you committed – or all the above and more?

The more embedded your thinking, feelings, actions, and behaviors are, the more structure of support you will need. What a life coach brings to the table is their ability to identify limiting beliefs quickly and methods of moving you forward easily by providing practices that unbind you from the past. They can be the source of most of the structure described above. And in addition, they can help you maintain your mindset.

My Cancer Experience

Hiring an oncology nutrition coach while navigating cancer helped me have a different cancer experience than most people. The burden of having cancer kept me from thinking of solutions to keep my body healthy. She is an expert in helping oncology patients, so she guided me on what to eat and do depending on what I was experiencing because of the medical treatments. And my life coach kept me on track with a mindset and practices that helped my body stay in a state of healing instead of fear, doubt, and worry.

My breast cancer diagnosis was one of the most challenging times in my life; having a structure of support to navigate the journey was essential to healing with ease and now calling myself a cancer thriver. My oncologist said I had one of the most aggressive types of cancer, which means it grew quickly; evidence of this was having a clear mammogram in March, feeling a lump in May, and spreading into my lymph nodes very quickly. I believe the structures I put in place saved me from an arduous, prolonged journey and perhaps even my life.

I value the expert help I received that led me to be cancer-free. And this has become my ‘why’ in wanting to help others in their most challenging times. I know the difference their professional guidance made in my life and what I can do for others.

Awareness in Perception

There is no doubt that you can reach your goals without a coach; you’ve done it before. You are the highest authority on what support and mindset you require. Les Brown has a famous saying, “You can’t see the whole picture from inside the frame.” You can’t gain a different perspective (discover what is wrong with your thinking) unless you find a partner who can help you see things differently.

“We can’t solve the problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.” is a statement accredited to Albert Einstein. And that is right; expanding our awareness and perspective will help us find different solutions. That is why engaging a partner in your process will help you with more than accountability, it will help develop new ideas and actions, and break previously set patterns.

Learn from Successful Programs

Breaking the habits that are holding you back requires a support system to keep you on track. If your goal is to be healthier by losing 15 lbs., then following a structured meal and exercise plan, with milestones and celebrations, is a way of doing it. That is why programs like Weight Watchers are successful; they create the structure for success and celebrate your achievements along the way.

Your Faculty of Will

The third necessary element is your Will to get it done. Your Will is different than willpower. Will is about your willingness to do what is required to succeed; despite any drawbacks, your Will keeps you on track, staying committed to the result.

Will is what will carry you through. Your ‘why’ created the vision of what you want; the structure you put in place helps you get there, and Will motivates into decision and action. Despite any obstacle, steppingstone, or situation that may detract you from what you seek, Will is what will get you back on track.

Going Back to Your Thinking

Thinking starts with breaking the habits that hold you back from your successful goals. Your thought is what has previously created many successes in your life. What is it about that thinking that led you to be successful? Evaluating your successful thinking is as beneficial as delving into why your thinking obstructs your path to your goal.

Concentrate on Your Wins

Gratitude is Key

In breaking the habits that are holding you back, remember to remain grateful for the things that are working and helping to move you forward. The more you concentrate on what is working, the more other things start working; momentum and cadence are attained and fueled by maintaining a positive attitude. Every baby step you take forward toward your goal gets you closer to the finish line- your desired dream or vision.