Flipping Your Stinking Thinking’
Last week I shared about a time when a co-worker made assumptions about me. Those assumptions led her to treat me inequitably in the organization. In her mind, she believed untruths about me that led her to act unprofessional and unkind. Eventually, she found out the truth and apologized.
You and I tend to make assumptions about people, places, and events. We see people on the street and make assumptions based on what they wear, how they look, who they are with, and even how they talk. Don Miguel Ruiz’s third agreement in the book The Four Agreements is “Don’t make assumptions.” I realize how difficult that can be.
It would be ideal to not make assumptions. And as we work on growing, why not allow the assumptions we make to help us discover more about ourselves. Entertain the following assumptions and see if they are present in your life. Once you learn about the limiting beliefs you have, you can explore changing the silly stinking thinking that drives them.
You are being taken advantage of
You have had instances when you felt being taken advantage of and now relate certain behaviors or traits people have as a sign to be careful. You have a warning system that goes off when you feel threatened, so stay open to the possibility that you may be generalizing. Not everyone that acts or looks a certain way will take advantage of you.
It is going to be too hard
When unexpected or unfamiliar tasks come up and you feel you don’t want to bother. It’s out of your comfort zone so your reaction is “It’s going to be too hard.” When you hear that in your head, question its truth. Can it be easy, and you’re being put off at getting this completed?
You are not going to enjoy the event because of XYZ
You are finding a way to not attend an event that may take you out of your comfort zone. You really do not know what your experience will be until you are there. And you make your own experience so if you decide it will be fun, you will find ways that it will be so.
It is going to cost too much money
Looking at something for the cost, instead of the value that it will bring is a common thought. Up until now, your thinking looks at what is missing (the quantity) not what you have (the quality). When you change the way, you look at things and ask what value I will receive, then the cost is reframed to be an investment.
They are just saying that to be nice, or to sell me
Your expectations are high, and you have been told it’s not good enough. Since acknowledgment of your accomplishments has been lacking it is difficult for you to celebrate your achievements.
I failed before so it is likely to happen again so why make the effort
Realizing that failure is simply feedback to do things differently and that there is something to learn is key to being able to live the life you are meant to live. Giving up on trying something again because you were not successful the first time, is a way of stopping your growth. People who are willing to grow, are willing to be uncomfortable and welcome the feedback. Changing your perception about what failure is will help you grow and move up the spiral of your becoming – evolving and growing.
There are a ton of assumptions you make from the stories you hear in your head based on your life’s experience and upbringing. There is no shame in this, it is about realizing where you are in your growth spectrum. Your thinking and assumptions are a doorway to finding the answers to who you are and then deciding who you want to be.
A Personal Story
I authored a book that is in the process of being published. I recently heard from the copy editor with feedback about my writing style and content. I noticed that when his comments were good, positive, and encouraging the voice in my head began making assumptions that sounded like this, “I bet he tells all the writers that to encourage them, he probably copies and pastes the feedback to all the writers he deals with.”
Interestingly when my book coach would offer positive feedback, those same thoughts would play in my head. I would assume that he was just being nice. Of course, this is silly stinking thinking, both are professionals whose job is to provide honest feedback to authors.
Patterns of Thinking and Paradigms
The good news is that by paying attention to the assumptions I am making, I can identify the pattern of my stinking thinking. I see that I have a paradigm that minimizes my accomplishments. A paradigm is a belief system, a way of thinking, a habit, and this paradigm is a limiting one.
Limiting paradigms stop you from succeeding, shining your light, and feeling good about yourself and life; they keep you in struggle and lacking energy. So, uncovering them allows you to change your way of thinking and repattern your limiting beliefs into ones that uplift and create positive results.
Assumptions that Work
When I hear in my head “He is just being nice,” I stop the stinking thinking and say “Look at me, I am doing excellent work. I am gifted and worthy of the compliments that I receive.” This affirmation helps me assume a stance that I want to nurture. I am assuming the energy of someone that creates good work.
Flipping my sticking thinking recalibrates my energy and supports my growth as an author.
AN INVITATION TO LIFEWORK
Throughout your day, check your energy and mood. If you are feeling low, down or negative, what has been your thinking?
- What assumptions have you been making about the situation you are experiencing?
- Challenge your assumption, is it true, or is it a belief based on previous experiences?
- Is there a possibility that you are assuming XYZ to protect yourself from getting hurt?
- Is this a pattern of thinking that is limiting your growth and success?
Identify ways that your assumptions have been in the way from enjoying your life, creating what you want, and being who you want to be.
Make a note of this assumption to see if there is a trend with future observations you will make.
After a week or so of observation, evaluate what you’ve noted and look for trends and patterns you’ve discovered. Do you see an assumption on your list that you know does not serve you?
Decide if you are willing to reframe the assumptions and do the work it takes to repattern it.
Be thankful for your new awareness of your paradigm. You cannot change what you do not recognize, so you are on your way to changing it.
Congratulate yourself and celebrate your awareness.
Potential Steps:
- As you see the assumption appear, stop the thinking as soon as you detect it.
- Have an opposing thought ready to think, or a question like – is this really true? Have the answer; for example, “This is not true and it’s not a belief that I choose to have “.
- Once you have stopped the thought, then replace it with a new thought and take an action step that will help you move away from that thinking.
- Reward yourself with an “excellent job!” compliment when you have caught your thinking. You are now building positive energy and muscle from doing the work. Your subconscious mind will help you find more of that thinking.
- Stay focused on the work. It takes rigor and dedication to do the work. One of the ways changes occurs is with repetition, so stay committed to building a system to change your belief.
There are diverse ways of repatterning limiting paradigms, it depends on what they are. In my case, awareness allows me to stop the pattern of thought and think and affirm different thoughts. Assuming positive beliefs allows me to move forward with confidence.
Why a life coach
Congratulations if you’ve discovered some of the paradigms you would like to repattern. One of my coaches says, “It’s hard to look at the picture when you are the one on the frame.” That means that is not easy to recognize our paradigms, it takes other people to point them out. This is one of the reasons life coaches are a growing community. We are trained to recognize the obstacles that stand in the way of our client’s growth.
As a certified life coach, I teach a program with embedded technology that has transformed thousands of lives. If you are looking for a proven, dependable, and repeatable system of transformation, I invite you to a conversation to find out more.
