Three Transformational Questions for Life Balance

When the demands of daily life are stressing you out, asking three questions can transform your life.

The demands of everyday life add to imbalance and unhappiness and eventually to stress that can turn into health issues. It has become more challenging to keep up with your own life; you want a successful career, strive to grow and be more, be a good partner, mother, friend, co-worker, take care of your health, take care of your home, be an engaged citizen, and on and on the list goes on.

All these commitments and expectations become the cause of stress. You devote serious effort to being the person that is everything to everyone. You strive to be the woman that holds it all together and makes it look easy. You’ve seen others do it and ask, “why is it so hard for me to be that superwoman?”

Breaking the mold of past behaviors

Our role models and mothers (including me) have passed down this lifestyle to our daughters, nieces, friends, and proteges. I believe this is a problem, and I know there is a better way.

I lived that life, a life of well-intended desire to make sure everyone was taken care of in all areas of my life. At work, be there for my colleagues and subordinates and to perform well for the pride of making a difference and moving up the ladder at work. Ensuring I met my responsibilities as a good daughter with aging parents and that my children’s and husband’s needs and wants were taken care of. I was engaged in my children’s activities with sports, school, and social events. With family members and friends, I was the welcoming entertainer who always welcomed fun, joy, and laughter as an events hostess. My home would have to be spotless, well-maintained, and decorated. And primary was to make sure my relationship with God was fostered. It was exhausting to maintain that life.

When reading the previous paragraph, do you see yourself? And in that life, when was I taking care of myself? Yes, I am the center of my life in the roles I play, and as my cup was being emptied continuously, I was not doing things to fill it. And I bet you are facing the same dilemma.

The law of Circulation gives us life.

Being in flow is about balance, about being at ease with the inflow and outflow of life’s energy. The circulation of energy gives life; literally, our circulatory system is what keeps us alive. And when you choose to live a life of “super humanness,” you encounter a lack of circulation, an unbalanced life that feels like riding a hamster wheel, merely surviving the journey, looking for the exit sign.

Jane Fonda was recently diagnosed with cancer and said, “Cancer is a teacher.” And that’s precisely what it was for me. The first lesson I learned was that there was a dis-ease with the way I was living, and it caused disease in my body. It caused me to slow down and evaluate what was meaningful, what and who I wanted to honor, who I wanted to be, what I wanted to do, and most of all, that I always wanted to be able to say, “I love my life!”

A wise colleague used to say, “By slowing down, you go faster,” This is the first step as you move towards a more balanced, more fulfilling life. You slow down to access and answer some questions for yourself that form the guardrails for the life you want to live. These guides enable a life of balance and flow.

When the demands of daily life are stressing you out, asking three questions can transform your life

I would like you to answer these questions for yourself. Way too often, we go through life happening to us instead of living a life we intend to live. So, to live a life of freedom, balance, flow, and fulfillment, you must know what you want in life.

The first question is, what are your values? In other words, what are the things, characteristics, and people that you value? It is wise to settle on five to eight values you want to live by and prioritize them, making decisions easier. For instance, if health is a value you have, what are you doing to honor that value? Do you eat right, listen to your body, and stay active to stay healthy? Do you make time for wellness checks with the doctor and dentist at least yearly?

One of Maya Angelou’s most quoted statements is, “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” This leads to the second question; how do I want to be seen and remembered? What imprint would you like to make as you transact with people and after you leave your human body? Answering this question helps you figure out if you are on track to that end. Are your daily actions in line with this vision? If you intend to be a better daughter, sister, or mother, are you spending the time and energy towards that goal, or are you spending your time on less meaningful things?

And the last question to answer is, what makes your heart sing? When are you the happiest? What are the things and activities that bring you joy? When do you feel the most fulfilled? For example, do you enjoy nature, dancing, running, writing, or connecting with God? Are you doing enough of these things in your daily life to feed your soul?

Finding the answers to these three questions is the start to transformation

Finding the answers to these questions is a gift you can give yourself to understand what is valuable in your life, how you want to show up in the world, and what lights you up.

Once you have the answers, you have direction. The hamster wheel of life will no longer victimize you. You can make decisions based on the foundation of who you are, your values, the vision of the imprint you want to leave behind, and what speaks to your heart.

Life will not seem as overwhelming, and decisions may still be difficult, but now you have a starting point, you have a basis for leading your life. You can live a balanced life with the incoming and outgoing waves of energy required in life’s daily routines.

Your answers determine your course of action, but commitment is required.

As you move forward practicing balance in your life, use what you learned about yourself to decide how you want to spend your time. In the past, you may have overcommitted to activities, which led you to want to be everything to everybody, but now you know the answer to your questions, you can make decisions from your authentic being. You are no longer overdoing but consciously being in the flow of life. You are making decisions that feel good to you, leading you to stay fed so you can provide for others.

The next step is to learn how to move your energy effectively and efficiently, so you are not depleted and end up chasing your tail again. The most efficient way to move your energy is using the calendar. Everyone has the same amount of time each day and using the calendar helps you stay on track with your commitments. If you reject the use of a calendar, remember that you oversee it by scheduling what’s important.

The art of calendarizing is to place the things that most matter to you (that will nurture you) the things that live up to the 3 questions – your values, your imprint, and what brings you joy. You prioritize those as big rocks on your calendar, such as your health, family events, vacations, time with God, your daily walks, career conferences, or classes. Then you add the daily routine activities such as blocking your time for work and staying within those times. Refer to a blog I wrote about releasing stress and enjoying health with help from your calendar.

Align your values to your goals and actions, and it becomes easier to stay in the flow.

What does that look like? My primary values are Faith/Spirituality, Family, Service, Gratitude, Environment/Nature, and Health. I get the most joy when communing with God, spending time with family, and serving others. One of the reasons I write this blog helps me stay aligned with serving others, and it brings me joy and life. Although it takes a few hours weekly, it feeds my soul, so I am in flow with the giving and receiving aspect of balance.

Since Faith is a priority in my life, communication with God is primary, and I nurture that relationship by meditating and praying in the morning. I have gratitude practice in the morning and throughout the day, it keeps me loving my life and staying connected to Spirit. Since the environment/ nature and health are high in my value system, I walk or play gardening at least once or twice per week, and I am committed to good nutrition for my family and me.

My calendar is filled with these events, starting with my morning practice each day, breaking for the walks in nature or in my weekend, and ending most days with cooking a nutritious meal and spending time with family. Even the bill paying, chores, and going to my place of wordship are on my calendar. What it has done, is it has kept me in flow and less overcommitted to things that I see as secondary.

While living these practices, I am imprinting my mark on the world with no regrets about where I place my attention and time. I am living my authenticity. I’m sharing this with you to show you how important it is to find these answers yourself. You are living from your truth as you experiment with serving practices that nurture you, your values, and how you want to be seen. You feel good about who you are and what you are doing, and God/Spirit starts supporting your life with more of what you love. Your life becomes more straightforward to navigate despite the other routines that are not-so-great aspects of your day.

There have been times when I’ve allowed life’s situations to take me away from my daily practices, and I can feel a difference in how ‘in flow’ my day feels and how grounded I feel while experiencing trials that arise in my day. Noticing how the flow can change quickly has taught me to stay committed to these practices.