Dealing with the Holiday Blues

If you are not looking forward to the holidays, do this.

For some of us, the holidays can be overwhelming, bringing on anxiety about the things that need to be done, the gatherings we need to attend, the people we will see, and the conversations we will have.

We don’t look forward to seeing someone who manages to say or do something that annoys or offends us. We dread answering questions about our lives that may lead to others judging our lifestyle or thinking.

When was the last time you enjoyed the season?

Looking forward to the holidays seems to be a child’s reality that we lose in adulthood. But think of what a child does when they look forward to meeting and sharing time with family and friends. They use their imagination and see good things happening, getting attention from relatives they don’t often see and receiving gifts of praise and tangible offerings.

A child expects to receive good interactions, and since their experiences have been good, they expect them to continue. On the other hand, adults have had experiences that have led them not to look forward to the holidays. Those experiences play in our heads, and so we dread reliving them.

Why and when did your perspective change?

Decide on the experience, you want to have

Whatever the reason, could you decide the type of holiday you want to have? Will you put yourself through the suffering of everything that can go wrong, or shift your thinking to a plan on having a good time and making great memories?

Plan on your investment with your time, talent, and treasure. Have the holiday you want to have, despite what public opinion says. The people who love and care about you want you to be happy, so do you and be happy being who you are.

Staying authentic to what you would love

I grew up with a father who did not like attending the get-togethers we were invited to join. In contrast, my mom is very social and loves participating and gathering with others. During the holidays, we celebrated as a family unit with my dad and joined other gatherings with my mom.

At first, I didn’t understand and used to think my dad was anti-social, but then I realized that he enjoyed connecting with people one-on-one. When my mom and children were out partaking in an event, he would call his family and friends; he preferred a deeper connection. I appreciate his lesson about staying authentic about who you are and what you love.

Becoming clear on what you value

and Whenever I notice a feeling of dread because I am going to do something that I don’t want to do, I first ask myself why I feel that way. Once I understand the cause (and sometimes, the reason is unclear), I ask what I would love to create instead of my unenthusiastic feelings.

The answer leads me to imagine and connect to the possibilities of the moment or event. For example, in terms of the holidays, I go back to my childhood experiences of the time. My mom would take my siblings and me to our grandmother’s house, where cousins and friends gathered to celebrate. Those moments are cherished in memory. I can still smell and taste the traditional culinary delicacies and return to how I felt as a little girl enjoying these gatherings.

Remembering those experiences fuel my desire to revisit them and share similar times with my loved ones. One of my values is making good memories and lasting impressions in people’s hearts. As a result, I usually host Thanksgiving for my large family (brothers, sister, their children, and their children’s children). Last year my husband and I had 33 people for Thanksgiving.

Recommit despite the blues

As the holiday season comes closer and the holiday blues begin to rise, there are times when I do feel anxious, over-committed, and fret over the work that it will take to put the event together. But then I think of the memories that will be made, the loved-filled environment that people will experience, and re-commit to doing my best to be the glue that holds my family together.

Instead of not looking forward to hosting, doing, or giving, I start imagining precisely what I want from it as a personal experience. As the hostess, I want to enjoy my time with guests, be present at the moment with each person, and have fun bringing joy to their lives.

I don’t concentrate on how tired I will be at the end, how difficult it will be to get the house ready for company, how ‘x” relative may not behave or over a drink. A million thoughts could cross my head if I concentrated on the bad; however, I’ve made myself think of all the good that will come from the event and how memorable and successful it will be.

Your thoughts pave the way for your experience

There was a time when I did not use the “what would I love?” tool to frame the situations I was living in. Since I’ve been doing it, I’ve noticed that I enjoy life more because the images, expectations, and energy I bring to the situations are grounded on only seeing and experiencing the best. My intention to have a good experience allows the flow of that expected experience to be realized as I concentrate on having that encounter.

If you fall victim to the holiday blues and are not looking forward to the holidays, I recommend you use your imagination to build a movie about what you want the season to be for you and yours. It is the energy that you bring to the situation that manifests into reality. Where focus goes, energy flows, says Tony Robbins.

You have the power to activate new thoughts

Instead of thinking about why you are not looking forward to the holidays, shift your thinking to what you would love to happen this year. When you think, “it’s going to be very stressful,” say to yourself, “what if it’s not? And then imagine how easy and fun it can be.

You have the power to make this season the best time ever. The attitude you bring to the moment determines what you experience. Someone unknown said, “A bad attitude is like a flat tire. You won’t get anywhere until you change it.”

Understandably, the memories may be in the way of what you expect from the holidays, which is why you don’t look forward to them. But you can make it into a different experience by being proactive in your decision to make it a life-giving, pleasant, and excellent memory-making time for you.

So, if you are not looking forward to the holidays, remember what Eleanor Roosevelt said: “Life is what you make it.”