Letting Situations Get the Better of You

How to stop letting situations get the better of you

Noticing the unskilled behavior

As my husband and I were driving to church on Sunday, I noticed that I was not practicing listening to him the way I usually would. I was cutting him off half-sentence and thinking about how to respond before he had even finished his thought.

As a life coach, I practice genuinely listening and speaking from my heart, not what ego or logic may intend. I also noticed that he had become defensive because I was acting this way, and our communication style transformed into something I did not like.

In my head, I asked myself, why are you behaving this way? And knew that it stemmed from the pressures and expectations I was setting for myself. “There is just not enough time to complete all the things that need to be completed.” That was the statement that my subconscious mind affirmed.

I felt frustrated, tired, and overwhelmed, and I was letting the circumstances have the better of me. I was allowing the concern of getting things done affect my mood and interfere in my relationship with one of the people I love most. I was not practicing what I teach.

Transformational Moment

The gift of noticing my behavior and knowing how to change it allowed me to take the following steps, which led to better results.

• I noticed what was going on; my mood affected my conversation with my husband and my overall relationship.
• I recognized that I was in a reactive state and needed to change how I felt.
• I breathed into the moment. You change your body’s constrictive feeling by intentionally inhaling comfortably from your nose and exhaling from your mouth several times. Your nervous system relaxes and allows you to think clearly. When you think clearly, you can respond to the situation instead of reacting.
• I reminded myself that I have power in me, and in that power, all is possible. I call it the power of God, my source. Once you align with your source, the list of things and expectations becomes doable. You understand that there is divine timing, and all things happen as they should. An excellent way to describe this is when you let go and let God, you are releasing the need to control.
• I shared with my husband what was happening in my head and how I felt. I explained that I was not acting my best because I felt overwhelmed by my responsibilities and expectations.
• I asked for a do-over with him. A do-over is something you can ask your loved ones when you know you can do better. Once you know better, you can do better. Do-overs are a way of letting others see us vulnerable and on our growing edge. It goes both ways, and we can offer our loved ones the same grace when they ask.

One of the beautiful things that developed because of experiencing this was that my husband became aware of what I was feeling. He volunteered to help me with one of the significant initiatives in my mind.

Paradigms sabotage our life

Until now, I tend to have a paradigm called lone ranger syndrome, and sometimes it’s easy for me to think I can do it all. I was a single mom for more than ten years, so I sometimes fall back into that behavior. I am working on engaging others to help me, so I can avoid situations like the one I am sharing with you.

When you feel frustrated, tired, or overwhelmed, you can let the circumstances get the better of you.

You become so involved with life events that we let them affect our behavior and our relationships. Despite wanting to behave differently, we may not know how to do that gracefully. We hurt the people that are closest to us and create uneasy relationships.

The situation leads to growth

Do you relate to this situation? Many of my clients do; it’s part of the human journey to navigate conditions that lead to our growth. It’s in this situation that we find the opportunities to become better.

I am no different than you as I navigate life and challenges. My mentor often says, “The content of your life is the curriculum for your evolution.” Comprehending how life teaches us gives me a welcoming perspective on events that help me grow.

Life helps you navigate up the spiral of who you truly are by creating opportunities for growth. As you are growing identifying behaviors that sabotage your life is essential to open you up to a higher awareness of where growth is required to attain the results you want.

Albert Einstein said, “You cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.” That is one of the things life coaching does; it teaches us a framework to navigate situations. On Sunday, I recognized the energy I was bringing to the moment because of what was going on in my head, and not about the conversation we were having. The unpleasant, uncomfortable, and constrictive conversation I was sharing with my husband had to be transformed. Recognizing what needed to change, and taking the steps to shift what was happening, led to deepening my relationship with my husband by becoming vulnerable and asking for a re-do. I changed the situation and as a result, it changed the flow of my day.