In our toughest times, is when we find the greater possibilities for growth. The relationships that challenge you the most, are the ones that can help to transform your life.
Learning to be in the flow, like water
Imagine a stream of water, a river, or shallow water moving downstream; it is fluid, tranquil, calm, and brings about a peaceful feeling. Even as a mass of water is like a larger stream that settles into a river and ends in the massive ocean, it has a peaceful non-resistant energy. When obstructed by rocks, or other elements it finds its way through, around, under, and over. It is the perfect symbol of going with the flow, of finding a peaceful means of moving forward.
How can we learn from water to live tranquil; non-resistance lives? When dealing with discord, do you find that you take sides right away, or do you allow the situation to evolve, to reveal, and to understand the position of the other? Do you examine your thoughts, feelings, and actions to see how you contributed to the situation? Have you mentally switched places with another person to see things from their point of view?
Applying the non-resistant principle, as nature does with water, allows us to turn friction into flow in our life.
A Personal Story:
My relationship with my teenage son became tense as he was becoming an adult. I excused it as normal thinking that most parents don’t have a good relationship with their teenage children. But while living with breast cancer all my relationships became even more important, so I decided to transform them. I examined my communication and considered my posture in our verbal exchanges.
With no doubt, I had good intentions yet my directedness and judgmental assumptions made him feel defensive. I was not allowing him to find his way, to find his own answers, and I was also expecting different behavior than teenage life experience.
In our interactions I made him feel judged and not trusted so he was defensive and disrespectful. I experimented with staying curious instead of judgmental and trusting instead of protective. Once I changed the way I was speaking to him, our relationship was transformed. Instead of directing him on how to do, what to do, or even suggest a different way; I inquired on ‘what’s the plan?”, or “have you considered X, Y, and Z”. I would allow things to evolve trusting him to make his way. And in times when outcomes were not desired, I led with compassion, kindness, and love instead of judgment and opinion.
Our relationship was transformed by examining by behavior and his perspective, and then deciding to embrace a different style of parenting. It allowed us to speak more lovingly to each other. He now comes to me for advice and shares more about his life; both the good and bad. He acknowledges missteps and talks about learning lessons; we have both matured as people and in our relationship. There is an energy of flow – love, trust, belief, kindness, and fun.
Lifework . . . Where in your life can you use more flow?
Examine your part in the current situation – What are your thoughts, feeling, and actions?
Journal Exercise – draw vertical line down the middle of a page. Label the top “My behavior” on the left half; and “Their Perception” on the right side. Write down all the current behaviors you see yourself exhibiting in the relationship – be an honest third-party observer of the situation. Next to each behavior, write down how you think the other person perceived it. If you were them, how would you see yourself?
Awareness – Being aware of how your actions affect another person, is the beginning of change.
Action – Pick a behavior that you are willing to change. If your first instinct is to criticize, decide that you will instead find something to praise. If you tend to be opinionated, then decide that you will not give your opinion unless asked. If you tend to dismiss other’s feelings easily, decide to listen and empathize.
Be Kind to yourself with one transaction at a time, your habits were no developed instantly and transforming them will take time, repetition, and commitment.
Believing in you!
Trust, Create, Thrive!
